October 13, 2004

President Kai-Tangata!

The Confidence Man sees that the Internets are rife with speculation about the mental state of pResident Smirky McCrankypants, due to:
  • his performance at the two debates thus far
  • the rumored earpiece-and-wire
  • Juan Cole also reminds us, regarding the "Bush-can't-speak-on-his-own-and-needs-a-wire" meme, of Bush's refusal to appear solo before the 9/11 Commission
  • circulating videos comparing Bush's verbal performance during the Texas Gubernatorial race in '94 with his recent "statements"
  • Bush's history of alcohol and cocaine abuse
  • his deferral of taking his annual physical (usually around his birthday in August) until after the election
  • the "diagnosis" offered by a doctor in a letter to a magazine that Bush is suffering from presenile dementia
The Confidence Man is satisfied that there is indeed something organically wrong with Bush's Brain. We are not, however, convinced that any of the hypotheses proferred thus far are the cause.

We do have our own pet theory.

  • all of the above incidents and allegations regarding Bush
  • the recent demented demeanor of Jibbenainosay's cane-break cousin, solon Jim Bunning
  • the general loopiness, inconsistency, and madness of the GOP
  • the astonishing rise to absolute and partisan power by the GOP
  • the long senescent mental twilight of Ronald Reagan
  • the recent passing of Reagan, and his beatification by the GOP
The Confidence Man believes that Bush is suffering from Creutzfeld-Jacob Disease.

Yes, Bush has been eating prion-infested brains.

The GOP has undertaken an extensive campaign of human sacrifice and ancestor-engorgement in order to solidify its hold on power. Reagan was ritually murdered, and then his brains and entrails devoured by the faithful.

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