February 05, 2005

To Create a Mockingbird


Class seeks to rid kids of Appalachian accents
Friday, February 4, 2005 Posted: 9:20 AM EST (1420 GMT)
PIKEVILLE, Kentucky (AP) -- A new class that seeks to teach youngsters how to lose their Appalachian accents has set off an age-old phonetic debate: Should mountain natives drop the drawl or hold tightly to their twang?

Jibbenainosay hopes that CNN doesn't continue to cover stories like these--or at least, that it does so with the same kind of misleading headline as this one bears. This stuff is top secret. This program of course replaces previous JW Theatre efforts involving painting black children white and teaching the girls to dress and act like boys to "broaden their performance opportunities and improve overall marketability." The Kentucky plot to take over the world proceeds apace: you will never know when we're there, watching you, imitating you, replacing you....

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